


Itadakimasu

by JotDown



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: #PoorYukio #RinIsAShiningLight #Brothers #Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotDown/pseuds/JotDown
Summary: In the dark, Yukio thinks of his brother. And of himself. Hurt/Comfort/Drama/Family. Oneshot, complete. Originally posted on fanfiction.net on 01/30/2018





	Itadakimasu

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I give all credit and thanks to the talented Kazue Katō _._

/

In the quiet hours before dawn, Yukio ponders. Too often, thoughts accompany him throughout his sleepless nights, once a rare occurrence, and now his guilty habit. As the raw aching of his eyelids and the bloodshot red spider webbing his eyes stare back at him from his mirror, he realizes he no longer remembers sleep, only the _desperate, feverish, need_ for it. He craves it more than food and water.

It is his ritual each morning, after all.

But...before...before the sun climbs into the sky he often finds himself sitting up alone in his bed, sometimes for hours. His spine aches. He hears nothing but the reliable tick, tick, tick of the clock, and the constant soft snoring of his twin brother, Rin.

_Rin._

Stiffening in the dark, it is only when the darker thoughts come that his eyes do manage to briefly shut in shame. The utter hopelessness and rage which cause him to sweatily fist the sheets of his bed as he shakes like a man mid-seizure. The _hate_ he feels. Whether at himself, or at his brother he doesn't know, is afraid to delve deeper to find out.

Then, the whispers, maddening—buzzing, endlessly cycling like the coaltars he has been able to see since birth. They tell him even as he sits down to a loving breakfast from Rin each morning, even as he claps and speaks—

"Itadakimasu." He mutters in the dark.

But who was really receiving? Him or his brother?

When he had been young, so _foolishly_ young, he had sworn an oath to their dad. He would train to protect his twin from the monsters he saw. At the time, he had envied Rin. Rin, who saw nothing of the rotting, decaying, formless creatures that Yukio saw everywhere— the closets, the bathroom, sidewalks, church yards—

The church hall had been as much his sanctuary as the kitchen was to Rin. Their dad had sat up with him when the whispers had turned into frenzied shrieks. Shrieks of madness that echoed endlessly when he was a frightened child.

 _When?_ A sardonic quirk of the lips.

But now, dad is dead, and who was left to protect Rin?

_Only me._

Only me...

In the brief moments his eyes do close, he sometimes considers his brother. He always considers his brother. Wonders at how much they differ—they were worlds apart, a human and demon, twins, but not.

Twins.

Rin's affliction was _his_ affliction. Wasn't that how it had always been. When Yukio was very small and very weak, Rin had taken his burdens up. Had been his hero, but now when Yukio knew the time had come when Rin needed him he was shaken and rooted. Rin had not failed him, but now?

_How can I go back to asking for his help?_

This thought in particular causes Yukio to unconsciously grind his teeth. Rin was so strong. Always sure of his path, never looking back.

But in certain moments, in a lightening fast blink or faltered breath—Yukio can see his brother's shadows too. In the way his classmates sometimes regarded him, in the hushed whispers or the too conscious way he hid his tail—Yukio saw his own weakness.

_Even demons have demons._

"Oi, four-eyes, your food is getting cold."

Startled, like most mornings, Yukio smiles abashedly and claps his hands—

"Right! Sorry Nii-san."

Yukio doesn't know who is giving and who is receiving anymore, or if there has been any humility in the acts in a long while, but as he stares into Rin's wide smile he, like every morning, smiles tentatively in return. He does know that they are two sides of a coin. And that beyond his veil of humanity he is just as demon as his brother. And they were certainly brothers, weren't they. Even their true father, even Satan, couldn't sunder that.

And so, he would remain. He would think. He would endure. For Rin, for himself, _for them_. Loving and hating, but still present. Rin was his brother, his sole orbital focus, _his everything_.

—"Itadakimasu, big brother."

"Ah, it's nothing!"

But it is. It was. _It was everything._

_Thank you, for saving me each morning Rin. I will honor you, one day, it is I who will save you._


End file.
